Cliché: The Seddie Story
by PsychoticAppleSauce
Summary: Tired of those over-used, unoriginal story plots? Well, inside is the most hilarious collection of one-shots poking fun at the most cliché Seddie stories ever to appear on Fanfic! Enjoy!
1. Diary

** HELLOOOOO EVERYBODY! This is your old pal PsychoticAppleSauce here with a new "story" kinda thingy. **

**PERSONAL DISCLAIMER: ****I know, I'm guilty of some of these cliché story plots and I am in no way making fun of anyone…Just the story plots. Please **_**DO NOT**_** point out **_**ANY**_** specific author names in a review or PM. Respect your fellow writers…Unless they're Creddie. Then you can go crazy.**

** Let's get started. **

**First Plot:**

** I think this might be the most overly used idea that I've ever seen. I mean, it could be good depending on how it's written (maybe with some originality and creativity) but here's the most ****UN****original. Enjoy. **

** SUMMARY: Sam's is arrested and needs Freddie to pick up something from her house. He ends up finding her diary and finds out something interesting about Sam.**

** Freddie's POV**

Yeah so I was having this great dream about computers and having all this tech equipment because that's all I ever dream about y'know. Obviously everyone dreams about the stuff they like to do most! Dreams can't be original! Anyway, I was woken up by (GASP!) Sam calling me! OMG! So I picked up my phone immediately because when someone calls me at 3 o' clock in the morning, I always answer on the first ring.

"Hello?" I said, perfectly awake as if I've been expecting this call.

"Hey dorkwad, it's Sam." Sam growled angrily.

"Hey Sam what's up?" I said happily.

"I'm at the police station because I suddenly get arrested all the time due to my undying love for you. (But don't tell anyone that I write it all down in my diary)."

"And why are you calling me about it?"

"Because, stupid, I ironically keep money under my bed just in case I get arrested even though I'm broke all the time!"

"OH! That makes sense! And I'm guessing that you want me to get the money and bail you out?" I answer.

"Duh."

"Well that's too bad! I'm going to be a jerk and make you beg _politely_ for my help." I crossed my arms and stuck out my lower lip like a girl.

"Oh Freddie, please! My only wish is for you go into my room and grab the small wooden box under my bed where I keep all my personal items that I hope you never see!" Sam cried into the phone. I gave up and promised I would get the box in the morning.

The next morning, I drive my car up to Sam's nasty and disgusting house and open the door because obviously there's not going to be anyone home to stop me. Ew! The carpet is sooo gross! I need to go into extreme detail on every little quality of the house and how nasty it is. I go upstairs and automatically know where Sam's room is. WHAT? She has all these girly items in her room! Posters of boys! Pink curtains! Stuffed animals! Pictures of me! I walk over to her bed and lift up the perfectly made blanket and peak under the bed.

Wow there's a big box with the words "Keep Out!" In big red letters! Instead of respecting Sam's privacy, I'm going to see what's in the box. I pull it out and blow all the dust off the top. Oh DARN! I need a key! I look on Sam's dresser and find a shiny gold key because that's the most reasonable place to keep something that important! I grab the key and shove it into the lock. Oh my GOSH! It works. The box opens and I can see Sam's diary!

"I didn't know Sam had a diary!" I say out loud to myself. I open it to a completely random page and start to invade Sam's privacy.

_Dear Diary,_

_ OMGz today Freddie totally looked at me! I could just squeal like a girly girl and jump up and down! LOL he's sooo hawt and yummy! I totally changed my personality! I don't know why I suddenly love him without any personal development but WHATEVER!_

_I LOVE YOU DIARY!_

_~Sam! _

_P.S. KITTENS RULE!_

Oh. My. Gosh! I love Sam too without any personal development! We are so perfect for each other because we were in love from the very moment we kissed! I grab the magical money and dash over to the police station where Sam was waiting for me, smiling as if she already knew I was in love with her! I walk up to the bars and smile.

"Sam I have a confession." I say, "I read your diary."

"Oh my gosh! You did? I'm so glad!" Sam wasn't even mad!

"You're glad?"

"Yeah because I hoped you would see that I wrote about you!"

"I love you!"

"I love you too Freddie!" Sam shouted. Then we were kissing through the bars because you're allowed to do that in jails! I handed the money to the guard and me and Sam walked out hand in hand. We lived happily ever after!

**Gawd this was so painful to write.****But I hope it was entertaining to you. Please leave a review and tell me what cliché story you want me to parody next. Update soon to come!**


	2. Abuse

**DAMN! 16 reviews! You guys are great and you all know the reviews are what keep me writing and updating faster! This next one I have mixed feelings about. It was my first fanfic plot but some of these things are ridiculous in every way. **

**Cliché 2:**** Sam is abused. (Sam's POV)**

** "**I'm so scared to go home right now! Ask why! Ask why!" I say as I exit the Shay's apartment.

"Oh my God Sam! Why are you scared to go home?" Freddie asks.

"I can't tell you because discussing important problems with your close friends is LAME!" I shout. Geez Freddie is such a snoop. Always butting into other people's business like some kind of gossip queen. I walk home along the pitch black streets of downtown Seattle where dangerous murderers and rapists wait for you teenage girls like me but I'm only scared when I see my house come into view.

**(Insert long monologue about nasty, dirty, disgusting, rundown, dingy house here).**

The door is already open like always. I can hear my mom screaming in a drunken rage because domestic disturbance isn't an issue anymore. Instead of waiting for her to calm down, I parade into the house and walk right into the kitchen where Mom is drinking excessive amounts of alcohol without worries of alcoholic poisoning.

"What the hell are _you_ doing home you little runt!" My mom yells. I start to tremble like a weak little girl which is the opposite of my given personality.

"I live here." I say. "OMG please don't hurt me!"

"I'm going to _hurt _you." Mom says. She smashes a bottle over my head. By some sort of dramatic miracle, I'm not unconscious even though it was a large bottle made with thick glass. I don't even fall to the ground because I'm a super human.

"That didn't hurt!" I say because I'm practically begging for another beating. Why is mom suddenly so angry?

"You're fat!" I taunt. Oh no! For some weird reason, my mom is suddenly in a complete rage. She grabs my head and breaks my nose with her knees. I fall to the ground and let my arms flop uselessly even though I could use them to fight her off.

"Okay that's enough beatings. I'm going to drink more whiskey. There's ham in the fridge if your almost non-existent pain make you hungry." Mom says in a normal voice. She dances off while opening another bottle of gin and whiskey.

"Nobody loves me." I whimper even though I have two best friends who would do anything for me because they love me. Even though my nose is broken, I still have enough energy to grab some ham and go to my room and sleep soundly. Hey! I never pass down ham! Even when I should have a concussion and I'm suffering from the pain of a broken nose!

The next morning at school, my nose if magically healed but I still have a small bruise on my cheek. **(A/N: Yes. CHEEK.) **I open my locker carefully because my arms are sore even though my mom didn't even touch them. Carly and Freddie walk up and totally don't notice my injuries. I wish they would!

"What happened to your face Sam?" Freddie becomes the most observant person on Earth.

"I got hit with a sandwich!" I lie even though I could just tell them what was wrong and have all my conflicts resolved over the next week.

"Oh, you should be more careful." Carly's only line in the whole story.

"Sam are you being abused?" Freddie asks.

"NO!" I slam my locker and storm out of the school even though it's morning. I walked home and open my front door. My mom is waiting for me with a knife.

"Sam, I'm going to random kill you." Mom says.

"But WHY?" I cry.

"To add to the rising action of the plot so the climax will be more exciting!" Mom stabs my legs with the knife.

"Why didn't you die?" Mom shouts angrily. I run out of the house with the knife still stuck in my leg. I run into Freddie who is miraculously standing in my driveway.

"FREDDIE!" I say happily, "My mom is trying to kill me!"

"I'll take care of this!" Freddie pushes me aside and pulls out a gun. My mom comes running out of the house and he shoots her in the head.

"Horary for murder!" I celebrate.

"Instead of asking question first and shooting later, Sam why didn't you fight back?"

"Because, stupid, I'll slap cops and be rude to random adults I don't even know but I'd _never _talk back to my mom."

"Okay, that makes sense." Freddie says. Then we're totally making out in the middle of the street because any injuries I'd sustained from my mom are magically healed by Freddie's kiss.

"I've loved you for the last three minutes Freddie." I purr in a totally out-of-character sexy voice.

"And I've loved you for the last _six _minutes." Freddie purrs back.

"Let's go show Carly our suddenly strong, no-hate, perfectly mutual love for each other!" I suggest.

"Okay! I'm sure she'll have no objections due to the lack of any emotional development between us!" Freddie agrees.

"Toaster."

**Hoped you guys liked that one! I'm thinking about doing the vampire one next. Any suggestions? I got some good ones last time. Keep em' coming!**


	3. OMG I'm Pregnant!

**HOWDAY! This is my first posting as an official member of the Cabal!**

**I love the reviews I'm getting on this story! I'm flattered that you guys like to read this so much. I wanna make a shoutout to AshleeSeddie for being awesome. Go read her stories. They're great! **

**I got A LOT of requests for this one. Pregnant Seddie! Don't get me wrong, some of these stories are absolutely amazing. I read this one by LuDiamonds that totally blew my mind. It's called iWon't be Seventeen Forever. It was touching and one of the best written Fanfics I've ever read.**

**(WARNING: Some adult themes and language! SHEILD YOUR EYES, YOUNG ONES!)**

* * *

><p><strong>Sam's POV<strong>

"I love parties!" I yell over the pulse-pounding music. I'm staggering all over the place, drunk as a chicken. Freddie is also shit-faced drunk because he's definatly the kind of person that would go to a party and get hammered.

"YEAH! Me too!" Freddie yelled back. We looked deep in each other's eyes for about five seconds.

"I love you!" I slur my words because of intoxication.

"I love you too!" Freddie smiled. We start to make out violently In the middle of the dance floor because nobody will notice me if I put my hands over my eyes. We automatically know where to find an unoccupied bedroom. Then "things" happen. No detail needed there.

* * *

><p>When I wake up in the morning, I'm totally baffled as to what happened even though I only had a few beers. I look over to see Freddie asleep on the bed next to me. OMG! Did we…? I climb out of bed and yank my clothes on. I can't remember what happened last night but I know exactly where I threw my clothes. Miraculously, Freddie doesn't even wake up though I'm tromping around like an elephant. I walk out the door and try to find Carly who wasn't even mentioned in the first half of this story. She's dead asleep on the couch.<p>

"Carly, wake up." I poke her side. Carly's hungover even though she is the most prudent girl I've ever met and would never drink under any circumstance.

"Ugh, I'm sooo hungover." Carly moans.

"I'm not because even though I was drunker than you, it doesn't even affect me at all!" Carly gets off the couch and follows me to the bedroom where Freddie is already dressed.

"Let's go home." He says. We drive home silently. Carly immediately face-plants on the couch and is snoring within seconds because It's totally possible to fall asleep that fast.

"Do you know what I did last night?" Freddie asks.

"Nope." I lie.

"Okay, I won't ask anymore question because losing my virginity isn't that important!" Freddie says cheerfully. He strolls back into his apartment and I'm left alone in the hallway. I sure hope I don't get pregnant!

* * *

><p><strong>3 Months Later<strong>

OMG I'm sooo sick to my stomach right now! I'm sure I'm not pregnant. Oh look! A random pregnancy test on the bathroom sink. I use it. I'M PREGNANT! I gotta tell Freddie.

"Freddie I'm pregnant." I tell him when I walk out of the bathroom.

"Is it mine?" asks Freddie.

"Yep."

"Oh, okay. Guess I'll have to develop feelings for you during the pregnancy so the baby can have a daddy." Freddie shrugs.

"CARLY I'M PREGNANT!" I yell up the stairs.

"IS IT FREDDIE'S?" She yells back.

"YEP!"

"MAKE SURE YOU TWO FALL IN LOVE DURING THE PREGNANCY SO THE BABY CAN HAVE A DADDY!" Carly shouts back from upstairs.

"OKAY!" I sit on the couch next to Freddie. I think I love him already because he's suddenly so beautiful.

During the pregnancy, I don't attend any classes or doctor's appointments but I'm sure the baby will be okay because I'm perfectly healthy. I'm not grouchy or anything because there's _no way _my hormones are out of whack. Pfft, that's for pregnant losers…Oh wait.

* * *

><p>So I'm on my ninth month and me and Freddie are standing on the fire escape watching the stars. I love to do that all the time because doing girly stuff is <em>fun. <em>He's so hawt under the moonlight.

"Sam, during the perfect pregnancy I fell in love with you." Freddie admits.

"I fell in love with you to because Carly told me too." So we're making out when SUDDENLY: OMG MY WATER BROKE!

"Ewww! That's icky Sam!" Freddie says like a little boy. He drives me to the hospital and I have a flawless baby despite no doctor visits, maternal medication, or parenting skills. Then me and Freddie raise a wonderful, law abiding child and we live happily ever after, despite the fact that 68% of teenage marriages fail within 10 years.

**Hope you enjoyed that one. It was interesting to write I must say. I won't be able to post anything for the next week because I'm going to volunteer at a Special Needs camp! It's gonna be awesome! I'll try to post as soon as I get back okay! PEACE HOMIES!**

* * *

><p><strong>Read<strong>

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	4. Vampires

**Hello everybody, I'm back from camp! Actually, I got back on Thursday because I caught the stomach flu and had to leave. I've spent the last couple days recovering so that's why an update has not appeared in your inboxes yet. It's short because I'm still a little weak. Now, who wants some more cliché stories?**

**Gather round children, come gather 'round mama.**

**I honestly think I went brain dead doing my research for this next Fic. Now, I know I'm going to get a bunch of angry reviews for this little rant. I'll just laugh and delete it so don't waste your time. **

**VAMPIRES. Seriously, this might be the WORST idea for a Fanfic… ever. I could not, for the life of me, find ONE SINGLE DECENT Fanfic for this genre. One had too much (horrible) dialogue, another lacked so much detail I had to bash my head with a wooden spoon. So basically, Freddie becomes a vampire, or the other way around, and Sam magically falls in lurve wit him. Kissy face here, couple o' smooth words there and BAM! You got yourself a Seddie Vampire Fan Fiction. BLEH! Spare me! **

**Please enjoy reading this as much as I had writing it.**

* * *

><p>"I'm so glad Vampires don't exist!" I say to Carly and Sam inside the Groovy Smoothie.<p>

"Yeah me too," Sam pipes in, "Vampires are, like, SO stupid."

"Gee, I hope I never become one." I say, even though I just pointed out the fact that Vampires don't exist. I get up and say goodbye to my friends and walk out of the shop alone even though we usually go everywhere together.

"Hmmm, this dark and creepy alleyway that could be crawling with Vampires seems like a good shortcut." I say out loud to myself like a creep. I start to walk down the alley when something grabs my throat and slams me against a wall.

"DUDE! I'm going to, like, drink all of your blood and, like, make YOU a Vampire so your relationship with Sam will be more tragic and fatalistic!" A very pale man growls in my face.

"OMG! Are you that guy from Alice and Wonderland?" I cry.

"No you fool! I'm a Vampire!"

"Vampire's don't exist silly!" I giggle like a little girl. The Vampire pulls my head to the side and sinks his teeth into my skin. I don't even scream because apparently I'm immune to pain. Then, I'm suddenly a Vampire.

"Wow this is cool!" I say, jumping up from the ground. Everything looks better** (A/N: EXACT QUOTE.)** but who needs detail? The evil vampire is suddenly gone so I stroll back to the Groovy Smoothie where Carly and Sam haven't moved an inch since I left.

"Hello ladies!" I greet.

"Wow Freddie!" Sam says, "You're totally sexy now!" I smile and fluff my hair.

"That's because I'm a vampire." I announce to the restaurant. Nobody flees in fear though because I never have the thirst for blood.

"Do you wanna drink my blood?" Sam asks innocently.

"No."

"Ok."

We walk out of the Groovy Smoothie, leaving Carly behind, and walk in the dark street.

"Soo, wanna make out?' Sam suggests.

"Eh, whatever." I shrug and Sam squeals like a stupid fan-girl. We start to violently make out when suddenly, a white figure appears out of the shadows. I stop gnawing off Sam's face and look up. It ironically is the same vampire that I met in the alleyway.

"Hello Freddie." He greets even though I never told him my name.

"I'm going to fight you to impress Sam who is suddenly in love with my smokin' hot body!" I shout, holding up my fists.

We fight. **(A/N: Another ACTUAL quote. Pfft. Who the needs DETAIL?)**

The vampire dies after one punch.

"I WIN!" I celebrate. Sam runs over and we start to chew on each other's lips again.

"Turn me into a vampire!" Sam says.

"No."

"Please?"

"Okay." I hold Sam shoulders and bite her neck. She smiles and suddenly transforms into a vampire. So we're both vampires when Carly comes running out of the Groovy Smoothie.

"Hey guys I just turned into a witch!" she yells, "Now we can all be super BFFs forever!" We all run and hug. Then we're smashed by a Semi-Truck.

**THE END!**

* * *

><p><strong>Read<strong>

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**From fluff, to face melting angst.**

The Cabal authors produce the best


	5. CinderellaCostume Dance

**Sooooooooooo I was doing some research and I found the PERFECT cliché! I can't believe I didn't think of it before! You guys have awesome suggestions and I promise I'll get around to them but I just had to put this one in there first.**

**M'kay, stop me if you've heard this before (Though I'll probably ignore you and keep talking). So basically there's a costume party/high school dance thingy and Sam can't go because she hates dances. But she goes anyway wearing a tiny mask that covers 3% of her face and NOBODY can figure out who the hell she is. **

**It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's SUPER CLICHÉ! YAY! Haha Let's get started. It starts out in Sam's POV.**

* * *

><p>Man I hate dances. They're so stupid and lame. ESPECIALLY when we have to dress up in costumes! I'm totally not going to go the one for Halloween because partying is for delinquents which I'm OBVIOUSLY not. I walk down the decorated halls of the school and pout.<p>

"I'm SOOO ready for the dance tonight!" Carly squeals, "Sam you're such a loser for not going." Carly says in a suddenly bitchy voice.

"Why?"

"Because I'm going with Freddie who I'm suddenly drooling over and worshipping the ground he walks on." Carly cackles pushing me to the ground. I don't fight back because I'm weak and cowardly. Carly laughs evilly again and walks off with Freddie welded to her hip. I'm totally going to cry! I run to the bathroom and cry in a toilet.

"I'm gonna go to the dance in disguise so Freddie will love me!" I sob in an out-of-character way. I run home and grab a random dress out of my closet because I was totally prepared for this dance beforehand even though I wasn't going. I dig around in my closet and find a mask that covers a small area around my eyes.

"You totally can't tell who I am." I say, even though you can see pretty much my whole face, my voice is recognizable, and my hair isn't even hidden. I put on the dress and tuck my cell phone into my pocket. Yes, apparently dresses have pockets these days. I won't bother going into any detail about the dress because I assume the reader has a huge imagination and can picture it themselves. I take a taxi to the super fancy hotel that our school rented out for a simple dance. I walk inside and find myself at (GASP) a long stair case. A spotlight magically finds me and everybody gasps at the sight of me. Guess I'll have to walk down the stairs with a spotlight on me and hope Freddie doesn't see me.

**(FREDDIE'S POV)**

So I'm standing in the middle of the dance floor drinking some punch when a spotlight flashes on some girl standing at the top of a staircase. OMG who is _that_? I hand my punch to a random person who gladly accepts it and walk over to the mysterious girl with blue eyes, curly blonde hair, and a totally recognizable voice.

"Hi there." I say in a sexy man voice. The mystery girl blushes and bats her eyelashes.

"Hi it's me Sam! ER- I mean…Jacob." She stutters.

"Well hello Jacob. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." I say smoothly. Jacob giggles and takes my hand. We walk to the dance floor and start to violently grind on each other. Carly suddenly runs over and sees me with Jacob who is glaring at her.

"Oh, I see you two are soul mates even though you don't know who this girl really is. I'll let you continue your inner self-conflict in peace." Carly smiles and walks away. Suddenly, Jacob pulls her out of mine as her phone beeps in her cool dress pocket.

"I must leave." She says.

"No,"

"Okay, it's really me Sam." She says, pulling off the tiny mask. I gasp and fall back in COMPLETE shock. OMG IT WAS REALLY Sam!

"Do you still love me?" she asks.

"Who needs Carly who is one of my best friends and is always supportive of my decisions?" I scoff. Since there are no chaperones at high school dances, we start to make out in the middle of the dance floor. Then we lived unhappily, conflict-filled years ever after. THE END.

* * *

><p><strong>Read<strong>

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	6. Truth or Dare

**Ahhh it feels good to be back guys. I've been in a sad mood lately (which makes it hard to write something happy and funny) but I won't bore you with my personal shizz. I'd much rather entertain you with my pointless rambles!**

**This next one is from one of my lovely readers ****dyslexic-Carmie**** suggested the next chapter idea and it was so perfect I just **_**had **_**to bump it ahead of all the others. **

**The Truth or Dare Scenario: **

**Okay the basics for this one are Sam, Freddie and a moderately large group of friends are playing truth or dare and it's Freddie's turn to ask Sam something and yeah. It goes downhill from there. I've seen it a BILLION times. Here goes nothing:**

* * *

><p><strong>(Freddie's POV)<strong>

Did anyone know there's a basement in our apartment building? Even though we're in the middle of a crowded city, I guess it's only there to add mood to the story. So me, Sam, Carly, and some other kids I hardly know are sitting in a circle and playing the game Truth or Dare like a bunch of eleven year old girls at a slumber party.

"Carly," Gibby says, "Truth or dare?" Carly squeals shrilly and blushes scarlet as Gibby addresses her ever though she talks to him every single day. **(A/N: Classic Cibby cliché for you guys.)**

"Truth." Carly squeaks.

"Is it true that you're totally in love with me and make obvious hints towards about it that I ignore?" Gibby says.

"Yep." Carly checks her fingernail polish and gets up to leave, "I'm bored." She announces. Everyone automatically decides they're bored and follow her out of the room, slamming the door unnecessarily hard behind them. Now it's just me and Sam stuck down here in the basement.

"So you wanna play our own game of Truth or Dare and discover real thoughts on each other?" I suggest awkwardly.

"Whatever." Sam shrugs. We sit down around a random lantern and toss a coin in the air to decide who goes first. Of course I get to go first.

"Truth or Dare?" I say.

"Truth."

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

"Okay your turn. OMG this is sooo much fun!"

"Truth or Dare?" Sam says.

"Dare." I say.

"Kiss me." Sam challenges. I consider it for about a nanosecond before tackling Sam on the (most likely made of concrete) floor.

**(A/N: So here I'm supposed to describe the kiss in the fluffiest way possible. But we all know that fluffy is NOT my thing so I'll let my friend Totally-OOC-Fangirl-Sam here describe it for you in her POV.)**

OH MAH GAWDZ! THE KISS WAS SOOOO HAWT AND DELISHIOUS! IMMA GO KISS FREDDEH AGAIN BECUZ HE'S DA SEXIEST GUY IN ALL OF THE WORLDZ!

So we r making out in the basement and carly walks in on us! So we ignore her and keep making out on the floor while carly starts making out with Gibbeh on da stairs and stuff. Then we hav an awesome make-out party in da basement.

And nothing was awkward ever again.

THE END!

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><p><strong>Sorry, nobody getting hit by buses here. But if you squint, I'm sure there is a turtle holding dangerous fireworks in there somewhere. <strong>

**OH! And my outline thingy says that you guys are in for a real treat next chapter! I've been saving this one for a while and only one other person knows what it is. DON'T TELL THEM!**

**See ya next chapter my lovely readers!**


	7. iOMG

**WARNING! LONG (but entertaining) A/N! **

**\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ **

**HEEEY Guys! I got some great news. I GOT MY FIRST HATER! :D**

**Yup I wanna give a warm shout-out to LightSister who was extremely angry that I did not enjoy her horrible excuse for Fanfiction. Now yes, the way I say that makes me sound like a complete bitch but you should've seen this thing. I could not tell if she was trolling or just uneducated. **

**WELL. She did the mature thing and left THESE on my story The Compromise. **

"**Ok bby how do i start you are writing stupid, mist really? im gonna send you to the blog of these stupid fanfics you are gonna make people think all persons in here are stupids maybe i should call a beta you think i cant this story is horible please stop writing is for good and btw u writted a pretty mean review to a friend i dont like yur fics is like tlkng to a 5yearold so how does it feel**

**att. your h8er"**

**Can someone please translate for me…? I have no idea what this girl is trying to say. THEN, there's another one:**

"**poop on ur fce b itchie s lutty pros titute" **

**HAHAHAHAHAHA! It's soo funny how completely STUPID this person is. Okay that's enough I just wanted to give you guys a laugh before I get started on the next chapter.**

**\/\/\/\/\**

**M'kay! I promised you guys a treat this time and I know a bunch of you have been asking for this one:**

**iOMG Continuation! I can't go a single day without seeing one of these things on the front page. Some of them are pretty good but they're all the same thing: Sam kisses Freddie then runs away and he runs after her, they kiss, and live happily ever after. Blah blah blah, same thing over and over again.**

**Let's do this :)**

**/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\**

**Sam's POV**

Soooo…Freddie's giving me this long and cheesy speech about pancakes or something but I'm more focused on his super sexy face. So right in the middle where he's talking about gift wrapping a stick of deodorant, I grab his nice, firm shoulders and start kissing him. It's so super steamy how he's not even kissing me back. It's kinda like kissing a hunk of partially melted plastic. So I finally release him from my clutches and he only stares at me with his HUGE smexy eyes.

"Sorry." I say even though I'm totally not. Now I turn into a HUGE coward and bolt for the exit even though we're surrounded by a fence which magically disappears as I run. And guess who's following me! OMG it's Freddiebear! Even though I love him and stuff I keep running because I'm a huge-o coward that can't face her problems no matter how small and insignificant they are.

So I'm running super fast when FREDDIE CATCHES MY ARM! I THOUGHT NO ONE COULD CATCH ME BECAUSE I'M TOO AWESOME! Freddie forces me to stop running.

"Sam why are you running?" he asks in a totally normal tone instead of being out of breath even though we just ran .

"Because you don't love me!" I cry.

**(WARNING: UBER SAPPY AND CORNY ROMANCE LINES COMING UP)**

"Yes I do Sam. You're the most beautiful, awesome, sweetest girl I've ever met and do you have a Band-Aid? 'Cause I just scraped my knee falling for you." Freddie says.

"OMG Freddie you're sooo romantic!"

"I know." Then we start kissing again and this time Freddie actually kissehs me back bitches! Soo…. Now what? Are we supposed to be all lovey-dovey now? I don't know! Nobody ever continues the Fics after we kiss! Screw you guys I'm out of here!

*Sam walks away and slams the door behind her*

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"Wow way to go 'Apples! Way to ruin a good Fanfic!" Freddie says sarcastically.

**"Hey hey hey! You big jerk, you're the one who decided to be all corny and slobbery!" **

"YOU'RE THE ONE WRITING IT!"

**"…So!"**

"I'm out of here…"

*Freddie walks out same door Sam used and slams it again*

Now I'm alone…

*Awkward wind blows by*

Soo, you guys want some candy?

**END!**

** I didn't have much for this one because the Fics are always so short and end so abruptly. Whatever, the next one will be better anyway. :) **


	8. Disorder

**First of all, I want to thank EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. I couldn't believe how much support I received during the course of the week. I was so moved at how much you guys care and it's helped me a lot. Though my disorder has gotten slightly worse, I want to reward all of you with a chapter. I feel like my mood is good enough to crank out something funny for all my readers. Please enjoy this!**

**Next cliché: Would it be wrong to make fun of Sam with an eating disorder? (Yes, that was a sick stab at humor) But it's next on my outline so… :) **

**WARNING: This is gonna be short because the mood is already fading…**

**P.S., You don't have to fat to have an eating disorder. People would be skeptical if I admitted that I have one. I'm like a rail…**

* * *

><p><strong>Sam's POV<strong>

God, I'm so fat! Like I weigh almost 100 pounds! How fat is that? I also suddenly care what people think about me so when someone says I eat a lot, I go into the bathroom and throw up! But gosh I hope nobody finds out, especially not Freddie because he would totally call me fat!

So I'm at Carly's house eating fries and I have to barf it all up. So I get up and start to walk towards the bathroom.

"Where r u going Sam?" Freddie says.

"I'm going to throw up in the bathroom to become skinny because I'm SUPER fat- Uh, I mean…Moo." I run off to the bathroom.

"Well there's nothing suspicious about that." Freddie says to Carly with a smile. I lean over the amazingly clean toilet and barf loudly. Luckily, everyone in the apartment is half-deaf and can't even hear a gas truck exploding. I flush the toilet and walk out of the bathroom casually. Freddie is sitting at the computer and Carly is throwing prunes out the window.

"Sam, do you have an eating disorder?" Freddie asks suspiciously.

"Umm…Noooooooooooooooo…?"

"Haha okay!" He turns back to computer for a second before swirling around again.

"Yes you do!" He cries.

"Mwahaha I lied!" I laugh, "But I guess I'll give up and let you make out with me now!"

"Uhh, no thanks…Gross." Freddie says.

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"Umm no. I don't like you. We haven't even had any personal development."

"Oh okay."

"LOLZ JUST KIDDING! I LUV U!"

"Okay. We can make out now." I say.

So we did.

**The End.**

* * *

><p><strong>See I told you. Short. I tried my best and I hope you're not too hard on me for this pile of crap. I'll try to be funnier next time. <strong>

* * *

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	9. Romeo and Juliet

**I honestly don't know how someone like me could ever be so lucky to have readers and reviewers like you guys. You've been nothing but supportive and caring and patient with me while I get my life in order. You're words of encouragement made me feel strong and I vowed that I would beat this thing for good. And now I'm on the road to recovery. Though along the way, friends have abandoned me and given me the cold shoulder but I realized that they weren't really friends at all. I feel like I've got this thing in a choke-hold and I just have to squeeze until it begs for mercy (which I won't give). You all deserve a flippin' good chapter! And I know this one has been collecting dust in my outline for a while.**

"**The Tragic Tale of Romeo and Juliet"- written by: Many preteen girls who are obsessed with Justin Bieber. Yeah, not my thing. Though I'm pretty sure one on here got over 2,000 reviews right? Eh, I'll check later. Anyway, I'll let the story explain itself this time.**

* * *

><p>"OMG Principal Franklin! I have, like, the perfect way to get Sam and Freddie together!" Carly cried, bursting through the door.<p>

"OMGZ you DO? I love getting involved in my student's personal lives even though it got me fired once!" Principal Franklin said gleefully, nearly knocking over his chair.

"Okay, I'm going to use fillers and fancy text to prevent the readers from finding out my obvious plan to _force _Sam and Freddie to fall in love by putting them in the Romeo and Juliet play." Carly said.

**(Sam's POV) **

Oh my Gawd I hate acting sooo much. I hope Carly never puts me and Fredward in a play together so that we're forced to fall in love. That would bite even though I'm TOTALLY in lurve with Fredcakes. Mmm he's so yummy! I mean- I HATE THAT IDIOT NERD AND I JUST SAID AN OXYMORON! I walk down the hallway to see Freddie staring at a wall. Mmm he's so hot.

"What're you looking at?" I ask him.

"Someone signed us up for Romeo and Juliet! Probably to force us to fall in love during the course of the play when we have to kiss and then kill ourselves out of teenage angst."

"That sucks." I say. We walk to the auditorium to find the director who hands us scripts and we immediately start practicing. Oh my Gawd I love acting because I'm gonna kiss Freddeh.

Somehow during rehearsal, we _totally _started to slobber all over each other. Freddie, like, broke my shell and now I'm oozing sweet sticky love. So on opening night we start to act…yeah…acting…that's usually what you do in a…play…right?

"Oh Juliet," Freddie says to me, "You have an awesome rack."

"Oh Romeo, oh Romeo, why art thou so sexy?" I say back, batting my eyelashes. I totally love this new "urban" edition of Romeo and Juliet. It's just so edgy and awesome. Much better than one from, like, the 1980's or something. So as we go through the play, I realized that (iiiiiiigqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqsaaaa **My kitten Charlie walked on my laptop**) Freddie was so super sexy I just wanted to attack his face. But I had to wait for the kiss so blah blah blah we start kissing it was super hawt then we killed ourselves.

Play's over, we're in love…..Yeeeaaaahhhhh….That's uh, That's about it. GO BLUE DEVILS!

* * *

><p><strong>First person to tell me which movie that last sentence was from gets a cookie and shout out from me in the next chapter ;)<strong>

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	10. MOST Song Fics

**HEEEY! It's been awhile hasn't it? Sorry 'bout that. I don't really have an excuse except laziness haha. **

**The next one is a parody of most songfics. Super sappy and cliché. Usually poorly written. BUT of course there many good ones deep in the bowels of Fanfic. Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Chapter may include but is not limited to: Terrible lyrics, hearing loss, bloody punctured eyeballs, pulmonary distress, or death. Enjoy :)**

**P.S. Yes, I'm a Taylor Swift fan. People just put her lyrics in terrible fics.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>[INSERT SAPPY, GOOEY TAYLOR SWIFT LYRICS HERE]<strong>_

Sam was sad. Her crush didn't love her back. Poor Sam. She likes to cry in a completely OOC way. Gawd she wished Freddie loved her back. This long, undetailed paragraph has nothing to do with the lyrics printed above and is full of grammar mistakes and spelling errors. Sam saw Freddie walking down the school hallway.

"O hai Freddeh!" she calls to him. Freddie stops and sits down next to Sam.

"Hello Sam. Why are you sad?"

"I'm sad because this paragraph has nothing to do with the lyrics printed above and I love you." Sam said. Freddie was suddenly angry as a biscuit.

"Sam! I love Carly and I will never love you!" Freddie screamed **(A/N: Is it really necessary for him to scream?) **Sam hung her head and pulled out a razor.

"I'm going to cut myself right in front of you." She sniffed.

_**[INSERT EMO LYRICS ABOUT CUTTING HERE]**_

"IT HURTS SO GOOOOOD!" Sam cried, cutting open her skin like a giraffe on a hot summer day.

"Sam, I'm going to ignore your cutting habits to add excitement to the climax when I slowly roll up your long sleeve shirt after a long, heartfelt discussion." Freddie said, turning his head away from Sam.

"Wuteva." Sam replied, stowing the razor back In her pocket, "I think I'll become a bulimic now."

"Okay."

_**[INSERT DEPRESSING LYRICS ABOUT DEATH HERE]**_

"I'm going to kill myself." Sam said to herself one day. She shuffled to the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of pills. "I think I'll do it in front of my friends too." She decided. She made her way over to Carly's house. She saw Carly and Freddie making out on the couch.

"OMG THAT WAS TOTALLY UNEXPETED EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR MONTHS!" Sam wailed. She swallowed the _entire _bottle of pills in one gulp. They all sat there silently and watched Sam die.

"OMGz! WHY AM I DYING?" she cried, falling to the floor.

"I guess I should react to your suicide now." Freddie sighed, "Oh no. Sam don't go we love you and stuff."

"I luff you Freddie." Sam said.

"Mmmhmm." Freddie hummed. Then Sam died.

"Man, why did she have to die on my new carpet?" Carly whined.

"Wanna watch TV?" Freddie asked Carly.

"Whatever." And that's what they did for the rest of their lives.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END.<strong>

**P.S. I asked what movie the line "Go blue devils!" was from. AshesToAshes! You got it first! Congrats, here's some free internet! Enjoy.**

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	11. iLMM Part 1

**I think you all know what this parody is going to be. Hmmmmm? YEP! In celebration iLMM, I will write a super funny cliché parody of it! Like, seriously! That episode was so awesome it's downloading in my iTunes right now which means it's HUGE. I NEVER buy TV shows from iTunes. I was also pleasantly surprised that it comes with the HD episode as well for free. How nice.**

**Y'know, I'm so used to writing Fanfic that I fear that I won't be able to develop my own character personalities in the future. If you lovely people would take time out of your busy schedules to take a peek at my FictionPress, It would be very appreciated. If you don't have a FictionPress account, just leave an anon reviews with your Fanfic account name. Believe me, I know who you are ;)**

**NO SPACES: http:/ .com /~ishuckpotatoes**

**Enough blabbing, let's get started! **

* * *

><p><strong>Carly's POV<strong>

Soo, Sam's missing. Yeah, gone, poof! I tried to call her and stuff but she won't answer. I heard that when people disappear, they don't want to be found but that's probably not true. I mean, who would want to hide from their friends in time of serious internal conflict? Weird.

"OMG CARLY! Sam"S MISSING AND STUFFZ!" Freddie cried as he came crashing through my front door.

"Why are you talking like that?" I asked him. I started to walk closer to him but he pushed me back and gave me a strangled expression.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" I said. Freddie shook his head and discreetly pointed his thumb over to the corner of the room. A group of vicious looking girls with the word "SEDDIE" printed on their shirts waved a bloody bat with a nail driven through the middle at me.

"Ohhhh…" I turned back to **(Me trying to unstick the "e" on my keyboard…) **and keep my distance slightly to the right.

"Gee I hope you don't find out about our kiss." Freddie said, shuffling his feet in a flawless Irish dance.

"I already know." I said back, starting up a traditional Russian line dance.

"OH MA GODS! HOW DID U KNOW?" Freddie yells, switching over to the conga.

"I was totally creeping on you guys through a window." I start doing the Electric slide with a splash of the Macarena.

**(THIS STUPID E! It won't unstick!) **

"Well, I automatically know to look at a Mental Hospital." Freddie says proudly.

"You watched the misleading promos too!" I touch my feet and jump in the air.

"You bet your Pescetarian Princess I did!"

"Yippie! Let's go!"

*Le drive to mental hospital*

"Ok, we're here!" I say, hopping out of Freddie's smokin' hot convertible. We go into the hospital and see the nurse.

"I am here to see Sam Puckett!" I yell at the nurse.

"Sure go right in stranger!" She points to the hallway and then starts to eat a large Tuna sandwich.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey I have to stop right here because my mom needs my laptop for something. -_-<strong>

**But part 2 will be here by tomorrow. I promise! Again, I am very sorry. Didn't want to leave you with nothing.**

**P.S. Beware of the Flamer "Peliper" she's anon so I can't do anything about her. Just watch out. She's a vicious one…**


	12. iLMM Part 2

**Wow it's been over a week eh? I'm really sorry guys. I started at a new school and we're not agreeing with each other so far. I've been in quite a funk. But I'm okay right now. Hopefully this other half of the iLMM will make you laugh. Oh and I'm writing a Seddie Pregnancy story so call me a hypocrite haha! It's called For the Sake of Family. Maybe you can read it after this? Pretty Pwease? :3**

* * *

><p><strong>Carly's POV <strong>

"OMGZZZ Sam's in a mental hospital because she likes me!" Freddie cried, "We have to go save her!"

"Freddie, we've been here for over an hour." I said, flicking some dust off of my fingernail, "You've been screaming at that TV for the last 45 minutes." Freddie gave me another strangled look and jerked his thumb over to the corner again. The same fangirls were waiting with their Neanderthal clubs in their hands.

"WE GOTTA SAVE Sam!" I yelled, thrusting my hand into the air. Me and Freddie go up and down the hallways freely because mental hospitals never have security even though some of the patients are potentially dangerous. I automatically know which room Sam's in by our awesome telepathic connection. When I open the door, Sam is doing the Cha Cha Slide.

"Herro Sam." I say, starting up the Crank Dat dance.

"Hey I'm in the hospital because I'm in love with Freddie but I'm not going to tell you even though we're best friends and BFF's tell each other everything." Sam says, executing a perfect moonwalk.

"Hey Sam I love you." Freddie says, casually walking through the door.

"Oh I love you too." Sam throws a couple of rocks in her bag and slings it over her shoulder.

"Let's leave." I say, picking up a tube of toothpaste and some paperclips. We walk out the door and into the main lobby.

"You can't leave yet!" the nurse says, blocking the door with her arms.

"Why? Because I'm under 18 and can't leave without parental consent?" Sam says, shoving a lava lamp into her pocket.

"No, you have to answer my riddle!" the nurse says, pulling a laptop from her pants.

"What happens if we get it wrong? I love Sam." Freddie says.

"Oh, I strangle you until your dead then I devour your corpse." The nurse shrugs.

"Sounds reasonable." I say, "What's the riddle?"

"Okay, what creature walks on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?" the nurse says with a smirk, lifting a live vampire bat into her hair.

"It's a man!" Sam says, "He walks on four legs as a baby, two legs as an adult, and as an old person he walks with two legs and a cane!"

"Well butter my biscuit and call me a hammer company! You got it!" the nurse yells. Then she exploded. Me, Sam, and Freddie all walk out the door and head back to my apartment where nothing bad ever happened again.

Oh, except when Freddie killed his father and married his mother but didn't know it until a blind prophet told him that he was the one that killed his dad and his mom hung herself and he stabbed out his eyes with pins and exiled himself. Yeah, that was pretty messy. Freddie's mom is gross.

**Would any of my lovely reader like to name the story that last paragraph is from? Hmmm?**

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	13. Bad Boy Freddie

**Hello laddies and lasses! Sorry for the minor breakage in between chapters. I have been quite busy with my school work and such. **

**This next one has been requested A LOT. I'm going to do it before all the other copycats out there get a hold of. Jerks…**

**BAD BOY FREDDIE! Yeah dawgs! Let's get down to this shizzle! **

**P.S. The final paragraph of the last chapter was based on this messed up Greek play called "Oedipus Rex." And yes, he really married his mom and had kids. Effed up right?**

**FREDDIE'S POV**

God, being a dork SUCKS! I mean, why enjoy having friends who care about me and a promising future when I can be surrounded by fake people that only want to use me as a step ladder to catapult themselves to the top? So I'm totally gonna become a bad boy so everyone will love me unconditionally!

Okay, dump the stupid nerd clothes that define me as a good person and replace with a leather jacket. DONE! Oooooh I look sooo bad ass! I slick my hair up until I look like unicorn and put on some ridiculous sunglasses. As soon as I walk outside a random group of girls immediately start drooling like golden retrievers and faint in their own piles of vomit. I run my hand through my hair and one of them dies of a stroke.

"I'm friggin hawt." I say and the rest of them go into cardiac arrest. As I strut down the street, people go into spasms and fall face-first into giant piles of pudding leftover from the gelatin parade. When I arrive at school, injuring several more girls with my looks, I see Carly and Sam standing at their lockers poking a dead girl with their steel-toed boots.

"Hello ladies." I say in a sexy man voice. Ironically, Carly and Sam are the only two girl in the whole school who are unaffected by my "bad boy" looks.

"OMG Freddie you look super HOT!" Sam squeals, dropping the flaming deodorant sticks she was juggling. Carly snorts and pulls out a script from her bag and begins to read over it.

"Are you kidding me AppleSauce?" She yells to no one in particular.

"What? It's another parody!" A voice echoes from nowhere.

"Noooo way! I've been in like six of these and it's humiliating!" Carly waves the script wildly before tossing it in a trashcan.

"Hey I'm the author here and you do what I say!" The voice rumbles angrily.

"Oooh I'm PsychoticAppleSauce," Carly mocks, putting her hands on her hips, "I'm the best author on Fanfiction, I'm SOOO awesome I can boss Carly around and make her look like an idiot!"

"I never said I was the best author…" the voice sniffs, fading away.

"Now if you two need me, I'll be at home trying to make sense of all this." Carly says, her eye twitching. She storms out of the school, slamming the door behind her. I turn to Sam who's still drooling all over her shirt.

"Do you like it Sam?" I say, striking a pose.

"OMG FREDDIE UR HAWT AS HEK!" Sam screams, throwing a bowling ball at a freshman drinking some water.

"Look popular kids!" I yell. They walk over to me and some kind of vacuum sucks me into their crowd.

"Ehy Freddie, we're going to pretend to be your friend and then dump you to the side of the road like trash when we're done sucking up all your popularity." One of the girls said in an unnaturally high voice.

"Hmmm sounds reasonable." I say, "I'm in!" So I leave Sam behind and go with the popular kids who for some reason keep stepping on my shoes. We go and beat up a freshman with a fresh tuna salad then heckle a crowd of nerds.

"Man I've only been popular for five minutes but I feel so cool!" I yell. Then the popular kids push me into a trashcan.

"Bye Fredward." They walk away cackling and singing nursery rhymes.

"Aw shucks. I've been dumped. At least Sam will love me." I walk to Sam.

"I don't love you." She says, then walks away. I was so sad that I dies right there.

The end.

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	14. News

** Hello everybody. I am not PsychoticAppleSauce. I am her close friend Cassidy and I come bearing some news. I can't sugar coat anything or make it seems like nothing so I will tell it like it is. Jamie will not be posting anything for a while. She is currently on suicide watch and under heavy medical surveillance. Please keep her in your prayers and hope that she can get through this horribly difficult time.**

** Thank you for understanding.**

** -Cassidy **

** P.S. Stay strong.**

** -Jamie**


End file.
